Each of our perceived flaws and our sufferings is held within something much larger, loving and accepting.

I want to share something life-changing. Contemplative practices such as Centering Prayer and Welcoming Prayer can help us prepare for Grace; or those moments when, despite circumstances, we can feel the presence of what is golden and true. These practices, which are similar to meditation and mindfulness with the additional dimension of surrender to a Higher Being, keep the oil lamps lit, ready for the divine visitor: the Living Spirit, Eternal Flame, the Christ still with us. These contemplative ways of being and praying are called "practice" because, over and over again, we learn to let go of trains of thought that run off into other trains of thought and that keep trying to hide from us this very precious moment, this now, where the juice of our life is constantly created anew. We can also see subtle assumptions we are making that may not be true and begin to loosen their hold on us, surrendering to find a new and vibrant freedom. By doing these practices we form new habits that stay with us throughout all of our daily activities. These new ways of being, of letting go to what is True, become resources in times of trouble to help us, as Saint Francis urges us—to be kind when we want to hurt, and to sow love when we want to hate. And I'd add from my own experience, to bear grief when we want to crumple, and to learn to accept God's love and be kind to ourselves instead of beating ourselves up. Overall they help us see a broader picture in which all people are related, suffering together, and are surrounded by and held by a Being far larger, more powerful and vastly more loving than we could ever imagine. 

My own journey as a contemplative practitioner has carried me over a period of about thirty years; through family stresses and divorce, overwork, menopause, and coming to terms with my own early history of poverty, neglect and abuse. From the place of presence that I found in contemplative practices, I also found my way back to faith and trust in a loving, tender God, opening like a flower fanning out her petals to receive light, drinking it in and loving back with all her fragrance. Through this return I also started to get a sense of what it meant to find a new way of being where I could be more loving and kind, more of service, and more truly what I felt I was created to be.

There were some big surprises for me as I pursued these practices. I ended up making friends with the parts of myself that seemed undesirable (translation: embarrassing, selfish, unsexy, imperfect). With the lens of awareness and eventually acceptance, I witnessed their mysterious transformation into something whole: fully part of me and yet also permeated with what is loving and radiant and True. The alchemy of that transformation has come from a paradoxical place—of being fully present with those imperfections exactly as they are, and surrendering them in trust to the truly Holy. It was sort of like getting it all into the same kettle and cooking it, being with it, and being able to bear the heat—provided by a great purifying crucible of Love. Not easy, but the nourishing result is well worth it. And the cooking continues!

Being willing to be just as I am continues to be a transformative process that doesn't really make sense or follow expectations. Looking into exactly what is happening within myself at any moment, including the broken places, is not easy and often it doesn't seem like what I want at the time. But the process reveals a mystery: a more inspired and complete sense of who I truly am can subtly begin to emerge; slowly at first and then gaining uncanny strength, like roots growing deep into tough ground and shoots pushing out to reach for the sky. This whole "me" has always been there, and had sometimes shone through the cracks in parts of my life and in the meditation practices I had done. But I was relieved to find that it had never been forgotten by the Divine, as I had sometimes feared. The message that I rediscovered was: each of our perceived flaws and our sufferings is held within something much larger, loving and accepting. We are not any less whole by having flaws, or by noticing them. In fact, just the opposite may be true when we can be with these imperfections, or in the midst of these difficulties without looking away, from a place that we can find to be wholeness. With God's help, whether we know that or not.

Contemplative practices and retreats helped me to get a taste of freedom of being, and to appreciate the miraculous world of nature around me. Poems and other writing began to emerge out of that mysterious space, in part to celebrate it but also in an attempt to express the utter alive mystery I was opening to, and to begin to understand what I felt wakening in myself. Writing is a form of prayer and mindfulness for me; Sometimes I do it when I have no idea what is going on—but I feel something new and unnamable growing up and around me.  It has helped me begin to integrate the revelation that being present with things just as they are—including unpleasant feelings such as fear, sadness and anger as well as more pleasant and happy ones as well as a sense of intimate connection to something huge and Loving—could reveal an innate perfection; a holiness. And that in this very moment is also where we can begin to sense the Great Love that holds it all, that brings it into being.  

Blessings to you all, on your journey

Joy